


Almost Okay

by MonoRose



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Because I Am Shipping Delirious With Everyone, Child Abuse, Disabled!Delirious, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It's like a rollercoaster actually, Mental Instability, Mother Hen Luke, Past Abuse, Pax - Freeform, Physical Abuse, Physical Disability, Protective Luke, This is pretty fuckin' sad tbh, Traveling, Undecided Relationship(s), but I promise it gets better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonoRose/pseuds/MonoRose
Summary: The ever famous H2O Delirious has always been thought to be a handsome and capable man. But what if there is a reason, other than privacy, as to why he doesn't reveal himself? Jonathan has been physically disabled since he was fifteen, and hasn't told any of his Youtube friends. It's the reason he hides his identity. He is ashamed of his condition, and even worse of how he ended up with it. Even if he wasn't, he has always reasoned with himself that he couldn't deal with the crowds of people and traveling to events he would be expected to go to.What happens when Luke finally encourages Jonathan to travel, and potentially meet his online friends?





	1. Dampened Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this story! I hope that you all enjoy the adventure I plan on putting you all through.  
> Be aware that I am a master of angst and that this fanfic actually will get pretty dark. It's pretty clear right for the get go.
> 
> Some warnings for this entire fic are, but are not limited to (I will try to update as the series goes on): Mentions of non-consensual sexual advances, past physical abuse, past mental abuse, past child abuse, depression, anxiety, disassociation, and just bad thoughts in general.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan awakes from a dream gone wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, this is why I haven't been working on the Dead By Daylight series! Sorry, but I have been much more inspired to write this lately. This has been a work in progress for about a month now, and I guess I have twelve chapters written for it! One of the reasons I never posted anything was because I couldn't think up a title. Until a few days ago that is!
> 
> Anyways, just going to clarify here real quick, this was one of my headcanons about H2ODelirious, but I don't believe it's true. And if it is, well dang. I just wanted to use it as an idea for a fanfic, and I am really liking how this has come along so far. Look at the warnings and the tags, a lot of dark things are mentioned in the very first chapter.
> 
> Jonathan has paraplegia, which is when the lower half of your body is paralyzed. It will be mentioned much later, but his legs can feel everything, however he cannot control their movement. There will be a lot of backstory as to why he has ended up this way, and it's pretty much told right from the get go.
> 
> Anyways, enough of me ranting, please read! I really hope you enjoy this!

Vibrant blues, purples, and pink neon lights glowed around Jonathan. He looked down with a grin, he was a kid again. When looking around the world, he noticed that he was in a fantasy version of Los Santos, beauty took up the cracks full of flaws. He began to run down the street, his eyes glued to the dazzling lights that filled this world, up at the twinkling stars that shone sweetly from above. He felt embraced in the light and couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of him. When he looked down at his own legs again, his grin widened. He was his normal self again, his own age. Delirious sprinted down the street, never growing tired. His laughter filled the street as sweet ecstasy brimmed at the top of his soul. Everything was too perfect, too beautiful.

The lights began to fade around him, and Jon’s smile faltered uneasily. He looked down at his feet again, watching as the ground around him began to crumble, the prior vibrancy of the world quickly desaturating. The floor fell apart and he collapsed into the dark abyss, screaming maniacally as he reached his hand up to a sky that was just as dark and empty.

When Jonathan looked down again, he gasped in shock when he saw himself strapped into a wheelchair. Reality rang its bells at him violently. He blinked hot tears from his eyes as he and the wheelchair crashed into the ground harshly. Jon swore he could feel the familiar ache of bones shattering underneath the soft shield of his skin.

He tries to pull himself up, stupidly attempting to get onto his feet despite knowing that this vague world had remembered his doomed reality. Jonathan glanced over at his wheelchair as he lifted the upper part of his body up with his shaky arms, seeing the metal and plastic pieces flayed across the ground around him. 

Delirious watches with wide eyes as the ground underneath him suddenly warps itself into pale flesh, and suddenly he is lying down on a massive blanket of the flesh of his own back. He feels sickness tug at his stomach as blues, purples, and greens bloom across the skin in splotches. The wrecked sound of his own sobbing comes along with it. 

Then the whippings start, and Jonathan attempts to army crawl over to remaining pieces of his splintered wheelchair. He startled as the sound of a lashing rings out, and his own scream erupts, followed by whimpers and broken words. When he looked behind him, he saw a harsh welt rising on the skin of his own back, a trickle of blood coming from it.

Jon got to the wheelchair, and tried to pull himself into it despite it being mostly broken. It was a false sense of security if anything. But the world around him faded back into nothingness as he sat in the immobile wheelchair. When he looked to his right, he could see tall legs towering over him, and upon looking up he saw Luke standing there mockingly. Another pair of legs, and another, until all his friends were standing over him, sinister looks on their faces. Delirious’ eyes caught particularly on Evan, who stood in the middle and immediately in front of him. Jon whimpered and attempted to move the wheelchair back before remembering one of the wheels had been discarded in the fall. He watched with horror as a whip appeared in Evan’s hand, a baseball bat in Luke’s, a brick in Tyler’s, a knife in David’s, and other various and sickenly familiar weapons formed in all the others’ hands.

Jonathan could hear himself mutter out pleads, though didn’t have any idea how since he wasn’t talking. He tried again to back away from his friends, only to fall backwards in his wheelchair, leaving him on his back to stare up at the evil looks of his friends.

He cried out for mercy when Evan began to raise his hand over his head, bringing the giant whip down hard. His usual warm eyes were cold now, his smile jagged and harsh. The whip cracked-

 

\---

 

Jonathan startled up with a scream, flipping the covers away from his body in the process. He immediately brought his hands over his mouth to muffle the sound, panicked instincts taking over the actions of his body. He shook with fear before remembering he was safe. 

It was just a nightmare.

And it had been a long time since it had been a reality.

Though it didn’t help when his entire life had been flipped due to the horrific incident.

He sucked in a shuddering breath as he attempted to calm his nerves. Jon could hear footsteps pad against the wooden floor hurriedly, making their way over to his bedroom.

Luke threw open the door with wide eyes, sweat trailing down his face and his eyes wide with worry. “What happened??” But upon seeing Jon sitting up in bed safely, the panic was replaced with understanding. “Nightmare?”

Delirious nodded, eyes cast away. “Sorry.” He murmured softly.

“It’s alright bud,” Luke said with relief, leaning against the doorway, “Ain’t nothin’ you gotta be sorry about.” He reminded him, as he always did.

He shrugged, his eyes catching the glint of the wheelchair that sat at the foot of his bed. A frown tugged at his lips. “Before it all went bad, it was all really good. I was running.” He wished he could feel that again, even if he had to relive the nightmare again.

Luke hummed in thought, and Jonathan allowed his eyes to catch Luke’s. There was a heavy silence that settled between the two, before Jon attempted to break it. He stated for what seemed like the hundredth time since Luke had started playing babysitter for him, “You know, you don’t need to stay here. You’ve got your own life to live. This isn’t fair to you.”

“Like hell, I ain’t leaving you with no stranger after what your caretaker tried to do to you. The fuckin’ bitch.” Luke spat out, venom clear in his voice.

Jonathan recoiled at the mention of the recent incident. His previous caretaker, Laura, had been a little weird, she was skittish and made him feel tense. He had finally understood why when she had taken sexual advances on him while he was asleep, and when he awoke and tried to get her off of him, she had muffled his face with a pillow. 

The only reason why the entire thing had been stopped was because Luke had developed a sixth sense for his friend, and had bolted into the house and caught her in the act as Jonathan was struggling.

“I doubt another caretaker will do that…” Jon pointed out softly, though he himself was frightened of risking another incident such as that. He felt way safer with Luke there, but knew that the man had his own life to attend to, and didn’t want to burden him.

Luke sighed, and Delirious tensed at the possibility of upsetting him. “If we find another one, I just wanna make sure they don’t fuck you over.” Jonathan winced at the choice of words, though Luke didn’t seem to notice. “Want breakfast?” 

Jonathan nodded, biting at his lower lip as he dragged his body to the edge of the bed with his arms only. He was grateful when Luke left him alone, glad that he wasn’t trying to help Jon with every single little thing the way Laura had. He held himself up with one arm and yanked his wheelchair towards him with the other. Finally, Jonathan pulled himself into the wheelchair, maneuvering himself carefully.

Jonathan rolled himself out of his room, which was always kept clean considering he only used it to get changed and to sleep. He went down the hall passing by the kitchen quickly, though not sneakily, and turned into his office. Delirious smiled as his eyes snagged on the pictures his fans had drawn of him, he had printed them out himself and eagerly hung them up. The ones he had hung up himself were all much lower than the ones Luke had taken the liberty of hanging. He rolled over to his computer and locked his wheelchair in place as he turned the beast of a computer on.

His phone was still in his room though he felt like talking to his friends via skype was a lot easier for him. It was a little difficult to type on his phone, the small tremors in his hands made it too difficult to focus on it. Typing was usually fine though, since he could rest his hands down on his desk. 

Skype started along with the computer, and he saw the group chat was already flooded with messages. Mostly from Tyler, Brian, and Craig. He smiled at the stupid conversations they had last night, and read through them all until he reached the bottom.

Jon couldn’t help but jump as he heard the creaking of wood from behind. He turned around quickly to see Luke holding a plate of food and a drink in both hands, making his way over to Jonathan carefully.

“Thank you.” He looked at the plate to discover scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. The cup had thick, creamy orange juice in it. Luke wasn’t the greatest cook, but he was decent.

“Mhmm.” Luke hummed out, “I’m gonna head home. I’ll be back tonight alright? If you need anything-”

“I know.” Jonathan said lightly, a grateful smile on his face as he turned to face Luke. “I can actually heat up something for dinner myself, so don’t worry about it.” He added. 

“You sure? Ya better eat Delirious.” Luke drawled out, eyes attentive.

Jonathan nodded, “Yeah, just gonna play some games and edit today, so it’s all good.”

“Alright, then I’ll see ya tomorrow, okay?” Luke state with concern, trusting Delirious despite knowing all too well how closed off the man could be. 

“Yeah, bye Luke.”

He waited as Luke left the house, and didn’t turn around until he heard the engine of his car roar into life. Jonathan let out a sigh of relief. As grateful as he was to Luke, he still drove him crazy with how mothering he could be over Jon.

Delirious adjusted himself in his wheelchair, eyes focused on his monitors once again. He planned on doing an independent recording session so he could play one of the newest horror games that had been released, knowing he and his fans would love it. He preferred to play at night, but figured it was probably safer for him to play during the day right now. But first, he wanted to start editing his videos for next week.

He ignored the fact that the food Luke had prepared for him was left forgotten and pushed away on his desk.

A smile graced Jon’s lips as he opened Twitter and went through his notifications, someone had drawn a particularly impressive piece of fanart of him, all digital and fluid. His sad eyes fell onto his own art tablet, now covered in dust from the lack of use. 

He retweeted it, then switched back over to his video editing. Delirious double checked the video to make sure the video and his voice audio were synced. He hummed lightly as he went through the video and picked out the clips he wanted to keep for the final product.

Halfway through the process, Skype popped up in the lower right hand corner with the ever familiar notification sound. Delirious scowled until his eyes caught who had messaged him. Of course it was Evan.

He opened up the application hesitantly, and smiled at Evan’s message.

 

**Mr. Canada: Wanna call?**

 

**Teddy: Uh sure just a sec :p**

 

**Mr. Canada: What are you up to?**

 

**Teddy: Editin vid for tomorrow xD Hbu?**

 

**Mr. Canada: Same.**

 

Jonathan laughed at the message, not doubting for a second that Evan was also editing a video. It seemed to be all he ever did other than making music every once and awhile.

A few minutes later and Evan was calling him. Delirious let himself relax back in his seat  ignoring his state of being as he answered the call with his cheerful persona, “Hey Vanoss!”

Evan chuckled lightly at the immediate jolly response and calmly replied, “Hey Delirious. Having fun editing?” He teased with another laugh attached to the question.

“Hey man I like editing! It can just get a little tedious sometimes ya know?” Jonathan answered honestly.

Evan hummed in agreement, Delirious knew for a fact that Evan embraced editing videos and took pride in his work. 

“Just remember to take a break, gotta stretch your legs out and move around every once and awhile.”

Jonathan paused, freezing up at the unintentionally mocking words. But of course, Evan didn’t know about his condition. None of his friends other than Luke did. He briefly glanced down at his immobile legs and forced a painful smile as he let out a forced chuckle.

“Yeah I know man.”

A short pause. “You okay there Del?” Evan asked, genuine concern laced in his voice.

“Oh what? Yah, yah. Just spacin’ out.” 

Jon let his eyes fall onto his hands that rested at the keyboard and mouse, trembling slightly as they often did. He didn't want to think right now, he bit at his lower lip as he realized how focused his thoughts seemed to be on his stupid situation today. It must have been because of the nightmare.

“Did you wanna play GTA V with me and Lui later tonight?” Evan finally asked after a few moments of silence.

“Actually that sounds awesome.” Delirious said with a wide smile, grateful for a chance to escape reality. He was nearly done editing anyways, and his horror game could be played before tonight.

“Sweet!” Evan exclaimed excitedly, only making Jonathan's smile bloom even more.

Yeah, GTA V sounded good tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, please leave some feedback if you have any! Keep in mind I am pretty ahead in writing this story, so if you have any ideas for the plot, make them like long term and not short termed? I really hope you all like this so far!
> 
> Please kudos and subscribe to the story to receive updates if you did, and a comment or two go a long way. ^.^


	2. Don't Ask Me That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a good game of GTA V, Jonathan and Evan are left in the call on their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, not gonna make this crazy long again... Enjoy!!!

Brock had joined the game along with Evan, Lui and Jonathan. The recording session had ended up being a lot more fun than Jon had anticipated, they had found a new glitch and had a blast exposing it and trying different things with it.

Delirious cackled in laughter as Lui said his goodbyes with his squeaker voice, and Brock left shortly after. It was only Evan and Jon left in the chat, a comfortable silence settling between them as they each did their own thing. Delirious knew that Evan was going through the footage they had just recorded, already excited to start editing everything. 

“Thanks Ev,” Jonathan finally muttered out, feeling a bit bashful as he clicked around through his Youtube channel.

“It’s no problem Delirious. I had fun playing with you all tonight.” Evan replied, his voice warm with appreciation, “It sounded like you needed it…” He then added seriously, “Did you want to talk about it or…?” 

Delirious was grateful that Evan was so concerned, yet felt even better that he wasn’t forcing him into an answer. He knew he couldn’t answer without giving too much away, “I had fun too.” He intentionally left it at that, ignoring the last part in favor of skimming through the comments he got on his video from yesterday.

Evan was silent for a while, seeming to be pondering over something in his head. Delirious tried to ignore this in favor of replying to a few interesting comments here and there. Jonathan felt his heart begin to sink as his thoughts wandered back to the beautiful dream before the nightmare. It had been so bitter sweet really. Being able to run around and be happy like that in the world of one of his favorite video games. It had been too amazing.

“Hey Delirious?” Evan’s voice sliced through Jonathan’s pity thoughts.

“Yeah?” Jon sat up straighter in his seat, trying to bring himself back into the here and now as he nervously tapped his fingers on the surface of his desk.

“Will I ever be able to meet you?” Evan asked softly, his voice quieter than Jon had ever heard it. He almost sounded shy, bashful.

Delirious didn’t know what to say. Of course he would never want Evan to meet him. But god, how he wish could meet Evan. Why couldn’t he do that? Why couldn’t the ever famous masked gamer ever reveal his face and meet up with his friends and be happy?

He could if he wanted to really. H2ODelirious could show his face to the world and be criticized on his looks, he didn’t care about that. People would recognize him which would be kind of annoying, but maybe him being in a wheelchair would make everyone not see him as his Youtube persona.

Or somebody would figure it out, and he would be exposed. He might be expected to travel to conventions, fans would want to meet up with him. He would be perceived in an entirely new light. He would be seen as a handicap, a retard. Pitiful and ugly.

“I dunno…” Delirious answered in a small, wavering voice. There had been far too much silence on his part, minutes had passed by as he had processed all those bitter thoughts. Maybe one day he could meet Evan. Maybe one day he would miraculously recover.

A dark chuckle passed through his lips before he could help it at that thought. Hah, as if!

“Del?” Evan asked with concern, clearly not understanding why he had laughed in such a way, “Why are you so afraid of revealing your face to us? I understand your fans but, you are our best friend and we’d never make fun of you or anything.”

Jonathan sighed. He knew they wouldn’t. He knew that they’d never say shit to his face. But the way they’d look at him, and if they found out how he got here…

“I just can’t, I apologize Evan.” He said quickly, trying to make his voice lighter, not boiling the way the blood in his veins did. 

Evan didn’t seem satisfied with that. This wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation. However, it was really the first time that Delirious hadn’t just merely brushed off the possibility of meeting any of his friends. It almost seemed like it would be amazing to meet them all. Even in his state, it might be fun. 

He knew better of course, but he could dream right?

“Alright Delirious, whatever you say.” Evan didn’t sound as happy anymore, but Jon appreciated the fact that he wasn’t pushing it. He had one time before and it had put Delirious off way too much. He had stopped playing with Evan for a couple of weeks. He knew Evan hadn’t meant to do that, and he apologized profusely afterwards too, but still.

“I think I’m gonna go to bed.” Delirious said, glancing at the time to see it was nearly midnight now. His sleeping schedule was already so fucked, he didn’t need it to get worse.

Evan hummed in agreement, “Yeah, me too. Night Delirious.”

Gosh, Evan sounded like a puppy who had been kicked. He was trying to hide it of course, though Jonathan always knew better. “Night Vanoss.” He said before ending the call. More for his own sanity than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the dorky chapter. And can you tell I wanted to start this out shipping H2OVanoss? Yeah. I start shipping everyone later. You will see my dears. 
> 
> Not sure if I will have any relationships in this fic, or just focus on Jonathan. I hope you guys liked this though! Leave me feedback because this is pretty different for me. ^.^


	3. Comfort Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke mothers Jonathan, and then makes a terrifying proposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo~! Enjoy!!!

Jonathan slumped back in the wheelchair as he picked at the food that Luke had prepared for dinner the week after his conversation with Evan. He hadn’t been eating nearly enough as usual, and like always, Luke would watch him eat until the plate was scraped clean. 

He felt like an idiot when he ate anyways. His hands trembled too much so he usually ended up spilling everything in his lap. Jon had always been shaky due to his anxiety, though it amplified a lot more when he had gotten paraplegia. It wasn’t just due to his nerves anymore, but he had actual body tremors, especially in his hands, that prevented him from doing a lot of normal things. Like eating.

He didn’t feel hungry these days anyways, it was a waste really. 

“Jon, ya gotta eat man.” Luke said from across the table, brows furrowed with a mix of concern and aggravation. 

Jonathan shrugged and smiled weakly, “Sorry. Trying…” He said softly. So unlike himself when he was playing games with his friends. He wished he was that person in his real life.

Luke shook his head and forced out a chuckle, “What, my cooking that damn bad?”

“No, it’s not!” Delirious argued despite knowing that Luke was messing with him.

“Mhmm, then prove it by eating you ass.” Luke countered back, putting on an act of looking offended, though Jon knew that he was just trying to get him to eat.

He hesitantly brought the fork with chicken and mashed potatoes up to his mouth, watching as his hand shook. Jonathan hurriedly ate it and made a face. Not so much at the taste as much as at the feeling of food in his mouth at all, his stomach already churned unpleasantly at the thought of the food coming its way.

“Wow, thanks Del, real convincing.” Luke said with a pout, shoving his own food in his mouth greedily. Jonathan could feel the worry coming off of him in waves however.

Delirious said nothing as he forced down another bite of chicken. 

Luke sighed and seemed to work himself up to something he wanted to say. Jonathan watched carefully as his friend clearly sifted through the words in his head.

“Damn Luke, what?” Jonathan finally asked, slightly irritated. Really, he just wanted to know what was on the man’s mind.

Luke looked guilty, but he quickly flushed the look away, casting his eyes away from Delirious as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Well, uh. It’s been awhile since I travelled and I am going to be going to PAX next week..” He admitted.

Jonathan didn’t even realize it was going to be next week. He felt his own surge of guilt hit him as he realized that Luke was practically begging for permission to go at all.

“And I don’t wanna leave you here alone or stuck here with some crazy bitch.” Luke quickly added, and Delirious did not like where this was going at all. “So-”

“No Luke.” Jon finally said. “I can’t go- That’s way too much of a fuckin’ journey for me and you goddamn know it. I mean besides this- Just the people and all that shit. You’ve been to PAX, you know how it is man.”

Luke frowned, clearly upset by the instant negative reaction Jon had. “I wasn’t gonna bring you to PAX ya dumb fuck. Just to LA. For a week or two. I mean, I’m not forcing you to meet anybody. Hell, you can stay in the hotel the entire fuckin’ time if you want. I don’t give a fuck. But we both know damn well you ain’t takin’ care of yourself here. You can in some ways but you sure as hell won’t. And I’m not gonna leave you with the hands of a stranger. My only other choices are bring you with me, or call up Sarah-”

Jonathan paled at the thought of his sister, immediately shaking his head at the thought of being left here with her. “Luke, isn’t there anything else?? Fuck, I don’t wanna go to LA.”

“No Jon, there ain’t nothing. Unless you want me bringing you to my parents or some shit, but they don’t know how to handle you and I know how you feel about being a burden to them.” Luke pointed out harshly. He sighed and let his voice soften, “It ain’t that bad and I’ve prepared the trip to meet your situation and stuff, you know that. I’ll be there every step, uh, inch of the way.”

He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure he was ready for this. He had nobody else to look after him. And Luke was right, he was able to look after himself a little bit, he could prepare readily made meals and eat and all of that. But they both knew with the way Jonathan was, he would starve without even realizing he was hungry. 

Besides, being left alone for a week or two could be dangerous for both his physical and mental state.

“We could keep this a secret from the guys right?” He said quietly, averting his eyes from his friend. His eyes caught onto the chicken and mashed potatoes on his plate, most of the meal still there while Luke’s was wiped clean.

“Yes Delirious. I will do my damned best to keep this quiet. If you don’t wanna go anywhere and wanna be kept a secret from everyone, that is fine. I just don’t trust you on your own for too long.” Luke eyed him warily, deep in thought. Caught in painful memories no doubt.

Jonathan looked down at his lap, guilt swallowing him whole. He didn’t want to think about that right now, but he knew that it must have been playing on loop in Luke’s mind as he made this decision. After all, Luke had been the one who found him…

“I know… Alright, fine I’ll go.” Jon said, feeling anxiety crawl on his body as he spoke. “How are we getting there?”

Luke snapped out of his thoughts, “Already got that situated… Uh, don’t get mad, but unless you want spend forty or more hours stuck in the car, we’re flying there.”

Delirious felt more panic at the thought of flying in a plane. He had been in a plane twice before. Once with his family as a child, and the second time when he visited his mother in the hospital a few years ago. Traveling in a plane in his condition hadn’t been a fun experience at all.

But he knew that seven hours of travel versus forty would be a lot easier on both him and Luke. So he nodded without complaint.

“It’s gonna be alright Delirious, I swear. We got seats right next to each other. I even got you a window seat man. That way there’s no chance in falling or any of that bullshit. I’m gonna be right next to you the entire way, and we got a pretty decent hotel picked out for us, a nice room with two huge beds. There’s even a pool dude, we can jump in and chill man.” Luke nodded to himself in thought before looking at Jon with a timid smile, “I promise this is going to be alright and we are gonna have one hell of a time.”

Jonathan wasn’t ready, and he knew this was a bad idea. But he had no choice in the matter. Besides, Luke looked so damn excited. It had been awhile since had and Luke could have some fun. A long while.

“Alright alright. You already sold me, damn Luke.” Jon said with a quiet chuckle, “I’ll go with you to LA.”

It had been too long since he had seen that wide of a smile break over Luke’s features.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I got confused and accidentally posted the same chapter twice OOPS)
> 
> So I gotta say, as of right now, this is my favorite fic I am writing right now. I've really enjoyed writing this one since it's very open and I have a lot of room to work with. I will be posting two chapters today because... Why not? I really hope you guys enjoy this fic though. 
> 
> I know I keep saying this, but I will be posting the new DBD soon, just gimme some time. It's been difficult to write since I don't want to repeat the same events over and over again, and with a fic like that it tends to happen. I do promise that there is a lot of Brohm in it though, it's pretty sweet.
> 
> Yeah, but I really like how this is turning out and have enjoyed being able to write a Delirious centric fic. I feel like there aren't enough fics on AO3 that focus on a character and only focus on the romantic relationships. Which I appreciate. But I really love being able to write about the individual character and their platonic relationships with all their friends, which I have actually maintained throughout this story. It's a nice change of pace. 
> 
> (DELIRIOUS DUN NEED NO MAN.)
> 
> Okay okay, I will free you now. You can check out the next chapter probably a few minutes after I post this. Unless AO3 craps out on me (like always).


	4. No Longer Invisible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke and Jonathan travel to LA.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter is a little slow and that it may seem fillerish, but I felt like it was important to describe how difficult it could be for somebody who is physically disabled to travel. I also wanted to get more into Jonathan's mind and such as well.

Jon sat in the passenger seat anxiously, twisting his hands in his lap as he leaned his head against the glass of the window. From the corner of his eye, he could see Luke driving with intent focus, nodding his head up and down to the beat of the music, smiling like an idiot. It almost seemed kind of worth it.

They parked, and Luke went to the back of the car to grab Jonathan’s wheelchair. Delirious watched Luke before looking around the parking lot. The sky was clear and blue overhead, the pavement dry with the lack of any moisture. Cars were shuffling in and out of the parking lot, birds flitting away high above. It was so unlike the scene shown the last time Del was here.

Heavy air had clung to them, thick clouds blocked any light from above, it was even raining lightly, as if to symbolically signify the mood that had been set. Jon had hoped there would be thunder and lightning too, so the plane would be whisked away with a storm just as angry as he was. But Jonathan had never been that lucky.

Luke’s face popped gleefully in front of Jon before the door was yanked open, causing Jon to nearly stumble out of the car. He was grateful when Luke caught him and helped him into the wheelchair, though he scowled at the fact that Luke briskly started pushing him with luggage in tow. Delirious held onto his own bag tightly as he watched the cars whisk by, eyes heavy as he noticed people pass by in a blur.

Luke was talking up a storm, and Delirious could care less about what the ecstatic man was going on about. They had arrived extra early so Delirious could receive the proper accommodations for his seat. They would have to exit the plane later than everyone else though.

Jon smiled gratefully at an older man who opened the door for him and Luke, holding it open with a genuine smile. When his eyes fell onto Jonathan, he could see pity in them, and Jon’s smile wavered slightly. He looked down at his lap, weaving his fingers through the loops and straps of his black and blue bag intently.

He only looked up again when Luke was trying to pry the bag from his hands, his eyes clearly full of worry as he asked, “Jonathan listen to me would ya? Are you doing okay there bud?”

Jon nodded slowly, hoping that was enough to shut his best friend up. It didn’t seem to matter because Luke was too busy hauling the luggage up onto the conveyor either way.

Within seconds Jon was being pushed through the airport again, crowds of people looking at him with pity and moving out of the way in flocks. He felt shame ringing through his mind at the looks he got, at the unwanted attention. He wished he could just blend in like he used to, be completely invisible. That hadn’t turned out well for him in the end, but it seemed better than this right now. He hated the looks, the whispers, the pity. He felt his blood boil at the thought.

There was a sturdy hand on his shoulder, and Jon twisted to look behind him as Luke flashed a reassuring smile at him. He couldn’t say much or even be heard right now, but Jonathan knew what he was trying to convey. It didn’t matter what all these strangers thought. They were nobodies compared to him.

Jonathan returned to sit normally, wringing his hands as they got closer to the entrance of the hall that would lead to their plane. It might not matter what these strangers thought, but he worried daily about what his closest friends would think. What Tyler would say when he saw Jon. What Evan would think. What Brock would feel. It hurt too much to know they’d all be the same. Everyone was. Even Luke, who had been his best friend before the incident, had acted that way many times. Being too nice because he was scared he’d hurt Jon, paying extra attention to everything he’d do or not do…

He was grateful he really was, but it was a pain.

Luke had finished explaining the situation to the woman, and she had allowed them in. They were in front of the entrance of the plane now, and a man was promising to store Delirious’ wheelchair safely with the luggage. Luke grunted as he hauled Jonathan onto his back, telling him with a raspy voice to hold on as he walked into the plane and found their seats, settling Jon into his, right by the window seat. It was going to be a pain in the ass to get him out, but Luke didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll be right back, gonna make sure that guy knows what the fuck he’s doing.” Jonathan nodded absent mindedly, already peering out of the window longingly. It didn’t take long for Luke to come back, settling himself in the seat next to Jon. And it didn’t take long before the rows started filling up with other bodies, a particularly attractive woman sitting on Luke’s left.

Jonathan avoided her curious gaze as Luke started chatting her up, deciding to ignore the entire thing overall.

The flight was steady and Jon found himself lost in thoughts back to when he was quite young. He smiled fondly as he thought of how he and Sarah had been nearly inseparable when they were growing up, playing outside and venturing through the dingy neighborhood together. Her with her Barbie doll caked in mud, and him with his Michelangelo action figure, the orange paint of his mask scratched off. He remembered the first flimsy toy lightsaber his aunt had bought him, she had gotten a blue one since she thought he was a good kid, so had to be a Jedi. His aunt had been a funny woman.

His mom was funny too once. Funny and sweet. His dad had been at one point as well. Everything was so nice when he was a kid, but then again, maybe innocence had blinded him to the harsh truth of the world. Who knew how many of his mother’s precious smiles had been forced and faked for Jonathan and Sarah’s sakes. Or how many of his father’s laughs were just a show. Before he finally lost it, started becoming uncontrollable and-

Jon sighed when he felt a hand on his arm. He glanced over to see Luke’s worried eyes locked in on him. “Jon, please don’t let those thoughts in right now kay? It doesn’t matter right now.” He spoke softly enough so only Jonathan could hear him.

He took a deep breath and sighed, nodding. He knew not to let himself fall into this mindset, but this day specifically had him stuck in the past. He wasn’t completely here and he was plenty aware of that. Everything seemed surreal, he felt disassociated from the world.

Hopefully by the time they were in Los Angeles that would change.

It was sooner than he had expected when they landed. Delirious watched as all the people filed out of the plane, grabbing the luggage from above their seats and shoving each other out of the way. Kids fussing and babies screaming. The woman who had sat next to Luke had winked at both men before leaving, and Jon couldn’t help the envious feeling in his gut.

When the plane was mostly empty, save for the flight attendant, Luke carried him down to where his wheelchair sat waiting for him outside of the plane. He ran back in to grab the bag that he had placed above their heads, full of Jonathan’s medical things. He hadn’t even realized Luke had stored that with them, and was once again appreciative to his best friend. Despite everything.

“Alright, we’re gonna grab an Uber, deck it to the hotel, and fuckin’ sleep. Tomorrow I might find some of the guys to chill with. We’re gonna be staying for two weeks after all. Are you sure you don’t want to meet any of them?” Luke asked, not pushing it, but making sure.

It was too scary of a thought, so Delirious immediately shook his head without dwelling on the slightest possibility. He didn’t want to find out their reactions yet. Was too scared to show them reality.

Luke hummed but didn’t say anything else. He grabbed their luggage from the conveyer and handed Jon his bag. Jonathan held it close to his chest, as if it would provide some sort of comfort. It helped a little bit as they weaved through the heavily populated airport. It was nearly noon now, they had left early in the morning back home. So that would actually make it earlier here, right? Time zones were stupid and too confusing. He knew jet lag would hit him hard.

They exited the lobby and finally made it out into the bright LA sun that they had been promised. The sweltering humid heat was already upon them from the rays of the sun overhead.

Luke hurried away from the airport and waited in front of a cafe nearby to summon an Uber. Jon waited, leaning back in his chair and allowing himself to feel the sun that dawned upon him. It was quite nice for a moment, even if he knew it would make him incredibly uncomfortable and irritated soon.

“Alright they’re gonna be here in a few minutes.” Luke stated, pulling the wheelchair back against the wall of the cafe so there was shade across the top half of Jon’s body. His legs were still in the sun and it felt pretty nice. He glanced over at Luke, who already had his sunglasses on and was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“You don’t look cool at all next to me.” Jon stated with a small giggle. Luke pouted at him and whacked him on the back of the head. “Don’t make me shout out handicap abuse!”

“Awh, fuck you Jon! You piece of shit…” Luke grumbled as he turned away from Delirious, still acting childish.

“You love it.” Jonathan teased lightly. He did feel better now, arriving here. Maybe things would be okay. It could be fun to explore LA with Luke. He smiled brightly at his friend, indulging in the giddy atmosphere.

When Luke looked over, his mouth was open as if he was going to retort something snarky back, but he stopped to instead smile fondly at his friend. “Hey, look at you Mr. Grumpy Pants. You’re smiling!” He yelled out with glee.

Jon rolled his eyes, hiding his cheerful face with embarrassment. “Fuck you, you damned asshole.” He muttered bashfully.

Maybe he’d have a good time here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing I really love about this fic is the feeling of it? I don't know, I like the hopeless and dreadful vibes it gives off. Wow, nice Rose, nice. But yeah this is where things gets rolling. I thought about postponing this but then was like, fuck it, why not? And I don't slow down from here either. This fic actually moves pretty fast and I time skip a lot. Nice change from the slow builds I usually do. I like it,
> 
> Also I am thinking about changing my name on AO3. If that's okay? I don't know. I want people to recognize me. But I'm not feeling my current name. I might actually change it to something like MonoRose or something. (Rose is my middle name and let's leave it at that) Simpler and stuff. Let me know what you guys think if you care.
> 
> ALSO PLEASE REMEMBER TO COMMENT YOUR FEEDBACK OR REACTIONS BECAUSE I LOVE COMMENTS. THANK YOU LOVES~!


	5. Mother Hen Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan is finally in LA, and supposed to be asleep in the hotel, but is on his phone instead. Of course, the most worrisome of his group of friends calls him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the only fic I feel okay with right now. I don't know why either. I just feel good about it. >.>  
> ALSO YES I RANDOMLY CHANGED MY NAME. My name is now MonoRose on here! ^.^  
> Oh, also also, I have a Twitter. For like, story updates and fanarts, which I dabble in a bit. Go follow me, I'm known as @_MonoRose_ there.. PLZ. I want all da friends.

Jonathan shifted underneath the blankets uneasily, attempting to sleep. He listened as Luke breathed heavily in the bed beside him, his snoring louder than expected. He smiled faintly as he thought about when they had been younger and would sleep over at each other’s houses. The smile faltered when those thoughts went back to when he was teenager and would sneak out to Luke’s place at every chance he would get, just to get away from his family.

Jon sighed, letting his head sink into the pillow as he nervously fidgeted with the seams of one of the blankets. He tried to think of something else. His thoughts wandered to the fact that he was in Los Angeles. His closest friends were all so close by, just close enough to reach out to, but too far away to grasp onto.

He smiled at the thought of his friends. Imagining their crazed laughter and bright smiles. Craig exclaiming wildly, Evan wheezing softly with laughter, Brock chuckling in bursts, Tyler screaming at everyone between his own bouts of laughter.

He wanted to meet them. He felt the longing tug at his heart fondly. Delirious wanted to meet them and talk to them and hug them…

How different would things be if he wasn’t like this? He probably would still be pretty private with his Youtube account, but with his friends, he would be more open. More energetic and willing to meet them. To hang out and do things normal people could do. 

Why did his thoughts always have to become negative?

Delirious looked at the ceiling, breathing lightly compared to Luke’s heavy snoring. He turned until he was on his side, heaving his dead weight legs with him carefully. He snatched his phone from the end table, the light flickering to life as he turned it on. 

There was a text waiting for him from a few hours ago. He was surprised to see it was from Brock, as they didn’t text each other privately too often.

 

**Moo: You’ve been gone the last two weeks, are you okay?**

 

**Moo: Just let me know if you don’t want to talk.**

 

**Moo: PS Evan totally didn’t force me to text you because he’s scared ;)**

 

Jonathan chuckled lightly at the messages, trembling slightly as he focused on typing out a response.

 

**Delirious: I’m fine, sorry, been busy.**

 

It wasn’t really a lie right? 

Jon was caught off guard when his phone started vibrating in his hand, but quickly answered the incoming call from no other than Brock himself.

“What?” Jon snipped lightly, glancing over to Luke briefly. He was grateful the idiot was such a deep sleeper.

“Hey,” Brock said awkwardly with a light chuckle, “Uhm, sorry. Evan told me to call to make sure you were alive. He’s been extra paranoid I think. Heh.”

“Well, I’m alive.” Jonathan said in a hushed voice, struggling to sit himself right up while he was holding the phone.

“Glad to hear it. So what’s kept so busy so suddenly that you can’t talk to us for two weeks?” Brock asked, concern gradually increasing in his voice.

Delirious sighed with irritation. Guilt flooded him. He shouldn’t have answered, but he knew he wouldn’t be left alone otherwise. “Just unexpectedly traveling. Sorry, should’ve let you all know…”

“It’s okay, we’ve just been a little worried.” Brock explained before hesitantly asking, “You traveled? Don’t you hate traveling? Where to?” He let out a nervous burst of laughter before adding, “You don’t need to answer that actually, sorry.”

Jon smiled despite himself. Brock was really too nice for his own good, “It’s fine. Yeah, I don’t hate it… It’s just difficult and tedious.”  _ Especially for me. _ “Went out of state that’s all.”

“Ah I see. Well, call Evan tomorrow if you can would you? He’s worried like hell that he pissed you off or something. Not really sure.”

Another wave of guilt hit Jon, “Let him know it’s fine. I’ll try calling but might be busy. Lu- I’m gonna be exploring the city so probably not going to be able to talk.” Jonathan bit worriedly at his lower lip, cursing himself for nearly slipping in such a stupid way. Of course all of his friends were aware that Luke was in LA for PAX.

“Alright, I’ll let him know then. Have fun exploring Delirious. Hope we can all play again soon man.” Brock sounded content with that, and they exchanged their goodbyes before the call was ended.

Jonathan lied back down on the bed, feeling relief course through him as he scrolled through his phone. It was nearly three in the morning, which would mean Evan was probably asleep. He sent out a quick message to let the man know he was alive and not mad before setting his phone aside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment if you have any feedback or love <3


	6. It Has To Happen Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan finally makes the big decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, uploading this late as well. I really love this fic and the next two chapters are emotional BUT HAPPY.

When he woke up, he was shocked to see it was already well past noon. Jonathan shot up in the bed upon seeing the digits on his clock. He looked frantically around him to see that the other bed was empty, and his wheelchair had been nicely set up beside his bed so that he could get into it easily. There was a red sticky note on the armrest of his wheelchair, and Jon plucked it off as he breathed through the sudden anxiety that had coursed through him.

 

_ Hey, I know you didn’t fall asleep until the early morning, so I left you to sleep. Usually you’re a pretty light sleeper and I’m noisy as fuck, so the fact I didn’t wake your ass up says a lot. Anyways, I’m going to be hanging out with Craig, Tyler, and Brian today, maybe a few others. Call me when you wake up. You damn right know I don’t check my messages. Anyways, hope you slept well sleeping beauty.  _

_ PS: Left some food in the mini fridge. You better fuckin’ eat something. You can grab a drink too, I don’t give a fuck. Just let me know you are alive and shit. _

_ -Your Boy Toonz _

Delirious chuckled lightly at the note, shaking his head with a fond smile as he set it aside. He glanced over at his phone, and opened it up. He shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was when he saw he got ten texts from Evan, along with two missed calls and a voicemail. Jonathan sighed and read through the texts.

 

**Vanoss: Delirious, Moo told me he called you last night and that you have been traveling.**

 

**Vanoss: Why didn’t you tell us?**

 

**Vanoss: Did something happen? Is everything alright?**

 

**Vanoss: I just called then realized if you traveled far you might have jet lag, sorry!**

 

**Vanoss: Okay I accidentally called again, that was my bad.**

 

**Vanoss: I hope I didn’t leave a voice message… Shit.**

 

**Vanoss: Just ignore it.**

 

**Vanoss: And me honestly.**

 

**Vanoss: Gonna be busy all day save me please. Ugh.**

 

**Vanoss: I don’t wanna go to PAX I’m tired… Ok yes I do JK**

 

Jon snorted at the messages, finding it touching that Evan had worried about him so much. He opened up the voicemail but there wasn’t much on it except for Evan panicking when he realized he had called again and cursing before it ended abruptly.

He finally dragged himself out of the covers of the bed, sitting on the edge. He noticed that his clothes had been sloppily dumped out on the foot of the bed, and rolled his eyes upon scooting closer to them to select an outfit for the day. Not that it mattered all that much, he didn’t dress to look good anymore. It was a struggle to pull his legs through his dark blue jeans, even though they were baggy on him. He had to lie down on his back and wiggle his hips until they were up all the way, which was a difficult task on its own. He always did it though, he didn’t let any of his caretakers, especially not Luke, dress him. Within moments, Jon was tugging a black T-shirt with Deadpool on it over his head with a smile.

Finally he pulled himself into his wheelchair, and he used his hands to move his feet into his simple slip on shoes. He was dressed for the most part at least. Jonathan reached over for his phone and called Luke, placing the phone against his ear as he leaned back in the wheelchair. He noted that the floors were wooden, which was easier to manage than carpet. Luke probably made sure that would happen.

“Hey- You finally awake bud?” Luke’s voice came through the phone, muffled by the amount of chatter and overall noise in the background.

“Yup. Just got dressed.. Not really sure what to do.” Jon shrugged, glancing over to the mini fridge with guilt. He really didn’t feel hungry though.

Sure enough, Luke stated, “How about you eat first then we can figure it out. We could go out and explore. I’ve been here since ten this morning and can come back anytime this weekend. It’s pretty fuckin’ sick dude.”

Jonathan tensed when he heard Craig’s voice shout out, “Who are you talkin’ to Cartoonz?”

Luke laughed a little bit and Delirious could barely make out what he was saying, though he was able to catch, “Just a friend.” Jon knew it was stupid, but he felt a little hurt by the statement. He knew Luke was trying to cover his sorry ass.

“Alright.” Jon spoke quietly, “I’ll eat. You can stay longer if you want…”

“Nawh man, I can come back sometime tonight if I wanted. But I’ve been to PAX before and can go later too.” Then Luke spoke quieter, and he must have been cupping the phone so that the noise was drowned out as well, “You know, I think you’d really love it here. I’d love to roam around PAX with my brothah.”

Jonathan sighed and rubbed at his eyes with his free hand, “You know I’d like to, but that can be so risky. People know who you are, our friends for certain know who you are-”

“About that, dude, I really think you should meet them. They all want to meet you and I know for a damned fact they wouldn’t give a fuck about all the shit. You gotta at least try man…” Luke sounded concerned, sounded sad.

Delirious shook his head before stopping himself. He tensed at the usual bad thoughts that came to him, but he trusted Luke. Luke wouldn’t lie about this, right? “A-Are you sure? Because if they do I don’t know what I would do Luke..”

“I’m damn right positive. And if anything did happen I’d beat the shit out of them.. But I really can’t see them doing that. They’re our friends for a reason, your friends really. They aren’t gonna give a damn Jon. They might be a little surprised, but they still love you for you. They won’t do any of the things you imagine. I promise ya.”

Jon bit at his lower lip. Uncertainty overtaking his stubbornness. After all, he knew for a fact that meeting his friends would be the best experience of his life. He was just afraid for obvious reasons. He felt like a liar, acting like this normal person when in reality he was messed up. Not just in the head which earned him his name as Delirious, but even physically. Jonathan breathed out through his nose and said in a tiny voice, “Okay.”

“Okay?? You gotta give me more than that if you’re being real about this man.”

“Okay, I want to meet them, and I trust you. Just, don’t leave me alone okay? And I don’t wanna meet them in public.. I-I’m still scared but… I gotta do it sometime.”

“Yeah that’s my boy! Alright, how about we go over to Craig’s tonight and they can properly meet you, okay? Before you back out of this like a little bitch.” Luke sounded way too excited for his own good. Anxiety was shredding Jon apart in the inside now. Luke expected so much good to come from this but Jon wasn’t sure if that was what they were going to get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to write more for this because this is like my personal fave rn <3
> 
> Leave a nice comment and stuff! Lemme know if you are excited~!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan retreats back to a bad memory, Luke has to snap him out of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, I told all of you that these next two chapters would have Delirious meeting all his friends, but forgot about this one! I will update again in the next week though.  
> So yeah, this gets feelsy and you start to get a better idea of what happened to Jon... GOOD LUCK.

As soon as Luke got back, he was rifling through the mini fridge and sighing in disappointment when he saw that Jonathan had never eaten. “Shit- Sorry, I forgot and-” Jon shut up at the look Luke gave him.

“Ugh, it’s fine. We’re gonna walk around a bit anyways, we can find a place to eat or something I guess.” Luke stated, closing the door quietly before turning to Jonathan, “You alright man?” He asked.

Jonathan felt anything but alright. He was shaken to the core, pale at the thought of meeting everyone tonight, on such short notice. He kept imagining the worst possible scenarios, the worst to come. He was freaking out and full of anxiety over the entire thing. So he shook his head, his face pale as he looked down at the ground. Everything flooded his mind at once, the anxiety of meeting his friends, the horrible memories, everything.

His mind stuck on the worst memory of all. The one that reminded him every single day that it was his fault, that he had been an idiot. He had caused this...

The stark whiteness of the small hospital room had been blinding. Jonathan had blinked once or twice before attempting to sit up in blind panic, only to feel a flare of pain shoot through his spine. He cried out weakly, getting the attention from the several nurses and doctors that rushed to his room. Everything was a daze.

He had been told by an older woman, who had been his doctor, that he was lucky to be alive. But that he would never be able to walk again, there wasn’t even a chance. He knew now that was true, but back then he had argued with her, a sobbing mess. He was fifteen years old and he was invincible. Things like this didn’t happen to him. They happened to other people.

But then again, shortly after it was proven that other kinds of things happened to him.

He had been taken away from his family. He had learned that the things that happened in his family weren’t supposed to happen. He was separated from Sarah who was just as a mess over it as he was, though not nearly as impacted. They didn’t bother putting him into the foster system since nobody wanted to deal with a handicapped kid. They held onto him until he was old enough to kick out onto the streets. If it hadn’t been for Sarah and Luke he didn’t know where he would be now.

Jonathan’s eyes widened as he felt a harsh sting on his cheek, and he looked up at Luke with shock as his hand immediately went up to trace his hot cheek.

“You gotta snap out of it Jonathan,” Luke warned, though worry was much more apparent than irritation.

It wasn’t the first time Luke had to do that. But it never helped. Jon drew away from Luke, caving in on himself as he hung his head silently, hand still warmly cupping his throbbing cheek. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want those disappointed eyes on him. When he glanced up he swore he could see anger steaming there, and he squeezed his eyes shut in fear. He was mad, he was gonna lash out, he was-

“Jonathan, please, come on man. It’s just me, Luke, and I’m not gonna hurt you like that. I just had to slap you back to reality.” Jonathan flinched violently when Luke’s hand settled on his shoulder, and he felt the man withdraw it quickly. “Fuck Jon-”

“I’m sorry…” Jon muttered, feeling bad about reacting this way. He really tried to stop having these episodes but it seemed like the more he tried to stop the worst they got.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault man.” Luke sighed, Jonathan could feel the air shift and heard Luke crouch down in front of him cautiously, “Look at me please.”

Jonathan looked up hesitantly, eyes catching Luke’s. “It’s gonna be okay Jon, I swear. And all of that bad crap is gonna be hard to remember once you do this. Because I know you are going to love them, and they are gonna love you no matter what. You don’t have to, but please do it. It’s gonna help you. I don’t want you just being dependent on me. You know I love you man, but you need to open up to your other friends too. You’ve made such good ones since starting Youtube. You have earned a place in their hearts and they are going to accept you.”

Delirious could feel his eyes water up, burning tears falling down his chin and his lips quivering with emotion. He nodded slowly in understanding, feeling a hitch in his voice as his nodding became quicker and he leaned into Luke’s open arms gratefully. He tensed at first when the man clung back, but relaxed as Luke rubbed circles in his back and soothed his worries away with silent whispers of encouragement.

They stayed like that for a long time, and Luke asked softly, “You still want to meet them tonight?”

Jon nodded eagerly on his shoulder, and huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, if I don’t now then I’m never gonna go through with it.”

“Outtah boy.” Luke sighed, squeezing Jonathan with one last hug before pulling away and smiling at him reassuringly and handing him the box of tissues, “Use them all, fuck this expensive as fuck hotel.”

Delirious snorted out with laughter at that and Luke joined him soon afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and leave some support! Let's start talking about potential ships in this fic eventually, preferably once Delirious meets all the bois. ;)


	8. The First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's outside Craig's house now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this.. At not almost 2am. But AO3 would not load at all for me, SO. Here you go. Also, will be posting the next chapter probably on Friday.

There it was. Craig’s house stood before them, and Jonathan couldn’t help the quivering in his body as Luke got out from the passenger seat to grab his wheelchair from the back. The same Uber driver from before smiled reassuringly at Jon in the mirror, and he smiled timidly back before looking out the window again at the house. It was pretty nice, though being in Los Angeles made it pretty ordinary looking. 

Within moments, Jonathan had been settled in his wheelchair, and Luke was tipping the Uber driver before rolling Delirious up to the house slowly. Luke had to ease him up the small steps that led up to the higher level of foundation, and then they were waiting on the porch.

“You alright there Delirious?” Luke asked quietly, his hand hovering up in the air about to ring the doorbell. Though his eyes were clearly trained on him in worry.

Jon nodded, “Feels surreal. Like I’m not really here- It happens. I’m ready though. Just do it already.” He stated nervously, feeling his skin itch with anxiety. He needed to do it one day. For his friends or for himself. He had to reveal the mystery of who he was. What he was really. It couldn’t stay hidden forever.

Luke pressed his finger on the doorbell and stood back beside Delirious. He barely got to process the reality of the situation when moments later the door was opening to reveal the face of Craig, who was smiling brightly at Luke.

Delirious could pinpoint the moment his eyes fell onto him, and could see the change in demeanor immediately. He wanted to hide his face in shame and roll back into the street, maybe he’d be lucky enough to get wiped away by a car speeding down the empty street. But with those thoughts he felt Luke’s hand steadily grasp onto his shoulder.

“Hey Mini, this is the friend I was talking to earlier. His name’s Jonathan.” Jon sneaked a glance at Luke to see a devilish smile play across his face. He looked back at Craig who was obviously confused by the introduction before it clicked.

“Wait-” Craig stammered out in disbelief, leaning over and taking a closer look at Jonathan, “You’re not serious, is this-”

Finally Delirious let out a chuckle, as if it would prove it was really him. It helped a lot at least. Because Craig’s eyes only widened more and Jon finally decided to just tell it how it was, rather than have Luke mess around, “Yep, it’s me. H2O Motherfuckin’ Delirious.”

Despite the ease he expressed in the introduction, inside he was a paranoid mess. He was also feeling extremely embarrassed just being who he was. Craig was shocked. Was he disgusted? Did he hate him? Did he pity him? What was going on in his head? ‘Oh no’ maybe? 

“Holy fuck!” Craig screeched, snapping Delirious out of it. He looked at his face closely to see anything but hatred and pity. Rather there was excitement and glee in his expression. “I can’t believe it’s you! The real Delirious! Oh my fuck- Luke you never said- Wow!” Mini breathed out in shock, eyes already warm and smile broad.

Now Jonathan felt like breaking down in a sobbing mess. But Mini wasn't treating him badly, wasn’t disgusted by him. Instead he was crouching down dramatically and opening his arms up for Delirious and of course they both clung to each other quickly. Delirious could feel himself melt in his friend’s arms and he couldn’t help but mutter out a quiet, “Thank you.” 

“Thank me? Fuck Delirious- Thank you!” Mini’s muffled voice came out as he tightened his grip on his friend, before pulling back with his hands placed on both his shoulders, studying Delirious with an eager light in his eyes. “The rest of the guys are gonna be so fuckin’ happy to see you. They’re all inside right now, wanna go in?”

Anxiety flared up again, but with how this turned out with Mini, Jon felt a slice of confidence course through him, and he nodded with a broad smile, “Yeah.”

Craig stood up quickly, grinning at them before gesturing them into the house, “Come on in then, be careful at the door though, my house isn’t really too safe.” He chuckled lightly before stepping back into the house.

Luke smiled down brightly at Delirious and settled his hand on his shoulder again as he said warmly, “Told you so!”

“Fuck off Cartoonz,” He argued back with a smile of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave kudos and comments and such if you liked this! I hope you all enjoyed the first meeting, because the next one is a bit of a train wreck.


	9. The Response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ever famously mysterious H2O Delirious finally meets some of his closest friends in person...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, by like a few days... I went to a convention this weekend and it was way more crazy than I realized it would be. 
> 
> But other than that, enjoy the chapter! The big climax of the story so far!!!! :D

The wheels rolled across the wooden floor of Craig’s house too loudly for Delirious’ taste, but he was glad that Luke let him push himself. He watched as Mini walked into another room and then stood to the side to allow Jonathan in. He swallowed as he made the final push with his arms, Luke trailing closely behind him. When he looked up he saw more pairs of eyes than he had anticipated trained on him with a variety of expressions.

Marcel was lazily propped up in an armchair and he shot up with a shocked expression on his face. Tyler was sitting forward on the couch and he looked at Jonathan with confusion clouding his expression. Brian was sitting next to Tyler on the couch and he looked lost, while Brock was on his other side with genuine concern growing on his face. David sat on the floor with his long legs crossed and had been pouting before he caught sight of the scene belatedly. And then there was Evan, sitting off to the side in a dining room chair, his eyes widening with surprise much like everyone else.

Jonathan nervously glanced over at the TV and saw that a comedy was playing on it. He waited for someone to say something, all the eyes on him was freezing his mind up, and was grateful when Craig finally explained to all of Delirious’ closest friends, “You guys Luke’s here with a friend. He goes by Jonathan apparently.”

Luke muttered out with an eye roll, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed, “Yeah, this is my  _ crazy  _ ass friend.”

Jonathan shot a glare at Luke before glancing back at all the people that crowded the living area. Realization had dawned on some of their faces, but he decided to explain anyways, taking a deep breath to calm his buzzing nerves, “Or just Delirious, whatever you prefer.” He chuckled nervously, this was ten times worse than explaining it to Craig. This was six more people that he had to explain it to, not just one.

Everyone paused before all his friends seemed to react all at once. There was a flurry of movement across the room, and commotion of voices yelling over each other in chaos. He could catch Tyler screaming loudly, “No fuckin way!” and Nogla screeching something similar to that, though it was hard to tell what was said as he fumbled through his words. Marcel was screaming, well, something. And Brock had immediately gotten up along with Evan to inch forward. Disbelief on all their features.

Jonathan shook his head as he began to feel overwhelmed by the chaos. He shouldn’t have done this. Reality struck him in that exact moment. What was he doing? Why was he here? He knew what would happen. He frantically tried to move his arms so that he could get out of the room, back away and never return. He’d quit Youtube and he’d never show his face again. Maybe he’d be lucky and die before he had to isolate himself from the entire fuckin’ world. Finally, his arms caught up with his brain, and he was backing the wheelchair up before anyone noticed, and was trying to turn it around before he was stopped. 

It didn’t matter, because Luke yanked at the handle before he could get too far, and Jonathan just shook his head with panicked words flowing through. “I’m so- so stupid- I shouldn’t have- They’re gonna hate- They already hate me- Fuck I shouldn’t- Have let you talk me into something so fuckin’ stupid-”

Everything around him began to quiet down but it was too late, Jonathan was hiding his face from everyone, back turned towards them as he sobbed into his hands, hunched over. He was being too loud now, everyone could hear his pathetic sobs and probably hated him even more for it. He wished he could bring his knees up to his chest and curl up on himself and just vanish, but he couldn’t even do the first part.

He could hear scuffles of shoes slide on the wooden floor, and felt a warm hand on his shoulder. Delirious didn’t dare look up but he felt the person shift until they were crouching down beside him, “Delirious,” It was Brock’s soft voice. Of course it was Brock. “Nobody hates you. Yeah- We were taken off guard, but we could never hate you. Besides, seeing you today was the least thing we expected.”

Jonathan shook his head and he could hear Luke sigh from behind him, and felt others get closer to where he was. He jumped when he felt a pair of arms wrap around him warmly, a sweet musky scent clouding anything else in his world. Finally, Jon pried his eyes open and removed his hands from his face as he looked to see who it was. He was surprised to see it was Evan, and was even more shocked when the other guys began to join in. 

He felt a sharp breath shake his body as everyone began to circle around him and hug him, and he laughed lightly as Nogla yelled out, “Group hug for Delirious!”

He embraced the warmth of all his friends crowding around him and clinging to him. A lot of them muttered how sorry they were for reacting that way, while others still couldn’t fathom the fact that he had revealed himself so suddenly in the first place. He heard Brock’s gentle voice tell him that they loved him regardless, and he could hear Luke huff with worry, reassuring him that everything was okay.

Maybe everything was almost okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOT! End on a happier note than you thought right? Since I am writing it LOL. This will be angsty and feelsy of course, but with Delirious' friends, come on man.   
> Please leave feedback in the comments below if you get the chance! ^.^


	10. Apart of Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon hangs out with his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the read!

The movie had been long forgotten, and Jonathan sat in the middle of the couch between Brock and Craig as everyone else circled around and just talked about everything and anything. After their group hug, the entire gang worked hard to cheer up Jon with jokes and silly quips. Luke insisted that Jonathan sit on the couch since his wheelchair was uncomfortable, and Mini brought out snacks and drinks for everyone before calling dibs on a seat next to Delirious.

“Yeah, and then the fucker decided to cut right in front of me so I decided, fuck it, why not rear end him right? That should totally be legal like, fuck them!” Tyler exclaimed wildly as everyone else laughed and shook their heads at him. He had claimed the armchair when Marcel had went to the bathroom, so Marcel was pouting beside Craig and glaring at Tyler playfully.

“Well fuck man, I wonder why that’s illegal!” Nogla responded sarcastically, earning him a punch in the shoulder. Of course the unlucky bastard had got stuck on the floor again despite trying to fight Evan for the chair. He could have just gotten another chair, but claimed that was too much effort and he’d rather just sit on the floor.

Jonathan felt warm inside as he beamed at his friends, looking around at them all interacting and talking and laughing. And he was right there with them, being treated normally and kindly. He had to pinch himself a few times just to make sure he wasn’t having one of those dreams that would fall apart on him.

Of course, they had been shocked at first, but nobody pushed it. Nobody asked how it had happened, nobody had asked him why he hadn’t told them. Some expressed concern and some pity, but that had been quickly thrown out the window when Delirious had joined in with the insults and low blows.

Jonathan tuned into the conversation again when Brock nudged him with his elbow and handed him a bag of Doritos. He grabbed the bag eagerly before giggling madly to himself, catching everyone’s attention.

“What is it you fuck?” Tyler asked in annoyance. Luckily, Tyler was the first to get over Jon’s condition and immediately started to banter him as he usually did in game.

“Wildcat, look, it’s you!” Delirious snorted as he waved the bag of Doritos around, earning both laughs and groans alike from his friends. He put his hand in the bag and looked over at Tyler, who was clearly done with him, and stated with an eyebrow wiggle, “Look, I’m inside you!”

“Dude, that’s the gayest shit I’ve ever seen.” Tyler replied with an eyeroll, though Jonathan was glad to see there was a tiny smirk there.

Maybe that was something else he should reveal, Jon wasn’t gay, but he definitely wasn’t straight. He was some other lingo word he had forgotten the name of. Not bisexual, the other one. It had been awhile since he cared, seeing as how hopeless romance seemed. And he could still have sex since he was lucky enough to have those functionalities still, but not many people were willing to have sex with a handicapped man. Hell, he doesn’t remember the last time he had been in a relationship, and embarrassingly enough, he had never had sex. Though that was definitely something his friends didn’t need to hear.

“Man, this movie sucks ass!” Marcel yelled, his attention had somehow been drawn back to the movie that was playing.

“Go change it then,” Vanoss retorted in his usual smart ass ways. Jon smiled at the remark and looked up to see Evan was looking right at him, a small smile of his own on his face. His eyes were so warm and so understanding.

Jonathan sunk deeper into the couch as everyone began arguing over what to change the movie to. Luke hollered that they watch something with action, and Nogla begged for a rom com, which everyone insulted him for. Delirious laughed softly at the scene that broke, catching Moo’s silent attention.

“What do you want to watch Jon?” He asked quietly, though somehow the question sparked everyone’s interests.

Jon felt a little overwhelmed by all the attention drawn on him, and he shrunk into the couch a little more as he admitted, “A bad horror movie always puts me in a good mood?”

“No!” Nogla immediately protested, which pretty much decided that Delirious’ movie choice was the winner for the night. “Ye guys all hate me, what did I ever to to ye?” David mumbled dramatically, pouting.

They ended up putting on The Final, bloody carrot fingers and all, and of course nobody paid it any attention. Craig had ordered pizza upon none other than Evan’s request, so soon the entire group was stuffing five boxes of pizza in their faces. Jonathan frowned as Luke plopped a large slice in his hand, a shit eating grin on his face as he quirked his eyebrow that spoke volumes. You best eat that pizza like you damn starving. Jon timidly began nibbling at the pizza, glad that none of his friends seemed to notice his hesitance.

Okay, maybe Brock and Evan did, given they seemed to notice everything Delirious did. Which was just plain annoying, but he ignored the worried looks and attempted to eat without thinking too much on it.

It was getting late into the night, and everyone finally seemed to be getting sick of each other and tick each other off too much. The first one to file out was Brian, who had just been doing crappy impersonations at every chance he got. Following after him was Tyler, then Nogla and Marcel, until it was finally just Craig, Brock, Evan, Luke, and Jonathan left.

Brock left to go to the bathroom as Craig and Luke went into the kitchen to clean up some of the mess that had been left behind. Delirious noticed Evan from the corner of his eye, walking over to him to sit down beside Jonathan.

“So, how did traveling go?” Vanoss asked cheekily.

Jonathan giggled and rolled his eyes at the man, “Ya know, met some weird people. But it could have been worse.”

Evan nodded with a small hum, a sweet smile gracing his lips as he glanced over at Jon with concern deep in his expression, “I’m really glad you came today.” He said, instead of whatever else must have been on his mind.

“I am too. I wasn’t planning on this at all. It was the last thing I wanted to do to be honest.” Jonathan spoke softly, slumping back against the couch. “I was just so scared. I don’t know…”

“I can see why you’d get scared, but we aren’t bothered by it Del. I mean, I’m worried of course, but I’m not put off by it, you know?” Evan spoke gently, his smile matching his voice as his warm eyes held onto Jonathan’s.

Delirious smiled sadly and nodded, “I knew logically- It’s hard to me to think like that anymore though. I mean obviously given how shitty I am at games.” He laughed a little too harshly at himself before sighing and continuing, “I just, I’m ashamed.” His voice dropped down into a whisper, causing Evan to lean forward to catch what was said, “I wasn’t born like this, something happened and, I don’t want that to be how I am seen.” He shrugged lightly, lips curling into a frown as his mind tried to stick onto it again. He froze his thought process and glanced up at Evan.

There was genuine concern and worry on his friend’s face, and his expression spoke volumes to Delirious. “Don’t be ashamed, no matter what happened, I can’t see you causing this to happen to yourself purposely Jon. That’s in the past now, and you have to deal with this now, but that’s okay. We’re still gonna be here for you okay? And if you ever need to talk about anything, well I really consider you one of my best friends Delirious, so don’t hesitate.”

Jonathan smiled faintly, wondering vaguely how he had ended up to be lucky enough to have such amazing friends. He nodded with a grateful expression, leaning into hug Evan who eagerly returned the gesture. They stayed like that for a minute before breaking apart. Jonathan couldn’t remember the last time he had received so many hugs, especially not in one day.

Brock came back into the room soon after, announcing he and Evan had to get going, since they were sharing a hotel room and were both going to be busy at PAX tomorrow. Evan gave Jonathan one more sweet hug, and Jonathan laughed as Moo joined in enthusiastically as well. He shook his head bittersweetly as Luke and Craig came out to wish them safe travels.

“Hey Delirious, thanks for coming, it was amazing to meet you.” Craig stated once Evan and Brock had left, shortly after Luke sophisticatedly stated he and Delirious would get going after he took a piss. Craig unfolded Jonathan’s wheelchair and put out in front of him, asking if he needed a hand before he was brushed off gently.

“It was amazing meeting all of you too,” Jon stated with a kind smile, before he started to move himself over to the wheelchair carefully. He was grateful that Mini held it in place since it didn’t seem like he knew how to use the break.

Craig breathed a sigh of relief once Jon was settled, and put his hands on his hips as he spoke again, “Visit anytime, right? I know you’re gonna be here for a bit, but seriously, anytime. I’ll even offer my house to you.”

Delirious laughed and stated, “I’m not doing an Ask Mini with you though!”

“Dammit, how’d you know?!” Craig exclaimed dramatically, “Actually, that would be pretty fun if you were off camera, everyone would be so pissed with me teasing. Plus imagine the views Delirious!”

Jonathan shook his head in disbelief, “You’re an asshole,” He muttered with a giggle, “Maybe one day we will.”

That’s all it took to get Craig to pump his fists in the air excitedly. Moments later, Luke walked out with a bewildered expression on his face before he shook his head and walked over to Jonathan.

“Thanks for having us man,” Luke said to Craig with a grin.

“It’s no problem, was just telling Delirious that you guys are welcome anytime. You guys can stay over too sometime if you want to ditch the hotels.” Craig stated before adding, “For a price though. One, Delirious you gotta do an Ask Mini with me. And two, you guys have to tell your audience to sub to me at the end of each video and put subliminal messages in your videos telling them that.”

Luke rolled his eyes and scoffed at Craig, “Alright, yeah sure. Anyways, we oughta get headin’ back. We need our beauty rest. Maybe we can both go to PAX tomorrow?” Luke eyed Delirious who just kept his head down. He wasn’t sure if he was that confident yet. “Eh, maybe just me. But we’re gonna be here the rest of the week too.”

“Alright, we gotta gather up then. I’ll see you two soon right?” Mini asked hopefully.

Luke and Jonathan nodded and they all said their farewells, and before he knew it, Jonathan was lying in the hotel bed and caught up in his thoughts once again.

He smiled widely as he listened to Cartoonz snore loudly. It had been real. His pinched at his skin again and giggled quietly to himself as he let his eyes flutter shut. Because today he had met his closest friends in the world, and he had gotten through it alright. They knew a different side of him and they didn’t hate him.

And it had all been real.


	11. A Bad Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jon realizes that this day may be a little difficult to get through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow yes I'm alive this week. Enjoy!!!

Fog warped around Jonathan tenderly, holding down all his limbs as he lied down on the floor. He ached to move but could hardly move his head. Panic seeped into him as he felt a sharp pressure squeeze his throat, blocking the air to his lungs. His vision was already so muffled, and it only became darker the longer he was choked. Jon gasped for air and attempted to struggle, but could do nothing but lie there. He was just going to lie there and die. There was nothing he could do to stop this.

Then the pressure went away and Jonathan was released, left on the ground desperately gasping for the much needed air. His brain finally caught up with everything and his vision swam back to him, but he really wish it hadn’t.

Jon wanted to scream at the sight of his father standing over him, smiling victoriously with a belt in hand. He wanted to get up onto his feet and run, beg him to stop, curl up into a ball, something other than lie there so vulnerably.

But he was frozen and his father took advantage of that, leaning down to yank Jonathan’s shirt off of his torso and leaving his arms and head caught in the shirt as he kicked Jon until his bare back was exposed to him.

He felt his hot breath being stifled in the shirt, his arms caught in the sleeves and his thoughts going wild with worry. Jonathan tensed when he heard the crack of the belt, and squeezed his eyes shut when moments later that leather belt was being brought down on his back harshly. He noticed slowly that profanities and insults were coming from his father’s mouth, the same words that he thought every day.

Another crack of the whip.  _ You are worthless. This is your fault. Nobody will ever accept you. You are a freak. Disgusting. _

He could feel his father preparing for another whipping when suddenly the sound of his father screaming was heard. That was different. Jonathan felt someone lift him up so that he was sitting up, and the rest of his shirt was yanked off before his vision cleared once again to reveal Luke, his hair dishevelled, sweat dripping down his face, and blind panic and anger clear in his expression. Behind him, Delirious could see Evan and Brock worriedly running over, Tyler pinning his father down to the ground and Craig reaching for his phone.

Familiar, caring voices came from all directions.  _ We were so worried. It’s okay now. We love you so much. You are safe. You are amazing. _

\---

A shuffling noise brought his groggy mind back to reality. Sunlight poured through the windows and warmly settled on Jonathan’s body, embracing him with its warmth. He knew that Luke was moving across the small room, as he heard the sound of his socks sliding across the wooden floors, and could hear him throw soft things onto his bed. Probably clothes.

Slowly, Jon cracked his eyes open, immediately being blinded by the sun that filtered through the thin curtains, the heavier curtains had been drawn. He looked around with heavy eyelids to see Luke bending over and sorting through the clothes in his suitcase.

Delirious smirked and remarked, “Nice ass,” Which earned a sudden yelp of surprise from his best friend.

“Fuck Jon! You scared the shit out of me! Goddamn that was fuckin’ gay!” Luke hollered, bitterly throwing a few T-shirts at Jonathan’s face.

Delirious cackled at the reaction, throwing the shirts onto Luke’s bed before slowly moving to sit up. He held back a shout as a sharp pain ran through his spine. Some days were worse than others, and today seemed to be a bad one.

“You alright?” Luke asked worriedly, immediately noticing the distress Jon was in.

“Just a bad day. Spine hurts like hell.” Upon sitting up, Delirious noted how shaky his limbs were and frowned heavily to himself. His legs suddenly spazzed out underneath the bedsheets which earned a sharp cry of pain from Jonathan. 

There are different kinds of paralysis. Some people can’t control the movement in their limbs and they can’t feel any pain brought to them since the nerves were cut off from the brain’s ability to feel things. And others just couldn’t control the movement in their limbs but they could feel everything.

Jonathan was able to feel pain in his legs, and on the occasional days where they would spontaneously move on their own in jerky manners, it would hurt like all hell. He just hoped it wasn’t going to be so bad today that he would look as if he was having a seizure.

“How about we run you a bath? You smell like a damn dog anyways.” Luke suggested, and despite the snide remark it was clear he was worried about his friend.

Jon nodded gratefully and tried to sit on the edge of the bed when he gritted his teeth at the stabbing bouts of pain that coursed through his legs. Why did this have to happen now? 

“Did you want to go to PAX today?” Luke asked after starting the water, heavy guilt on his face.

“No, I don’t think I could handle that so well even without this kind of day.” Delirious admitted sheepishly. “You should still go though, I can take care of myself for the day.” He smiled nervously at his friend.

Luke frowned, “I don’t know how I feel about leaving you alone like this. For all I know you’ll actually have a seizure and I’ll come back to you dead on the ground or some shit like that.” Luke explained, watching as Jon’s legs twitched from under the covers.

Just as Jonathan was going to argue back, Luke’s phone rang loudly.

“What?” Luke grumbled out as he pressed his ear to the phone, “Oh Brock?- Why are you calling man?- Are you serious?- Don’t you- I mean, it’s up to him- Yeah, yeah- Well you can ask him yourself- He can explain.”

Jonathan frowned as Luke held out the phone to him, reluctantly taking it as hundreds of anxiety ridden thoughts made it into his mind in the few seconds it took him to hold the phone up to his ear with trembling hands. “Yeah?”

“Hey Delirious,” Brock’s soothing voice came from the line, he sounded a bit sheepish as he chuckled lightly, “I was wondering if I could hide with you today. I know Luke doesn’t want you alone anyways, and honestly I’m exhausted from PAX and want to hang out with you as much as I can before we all have to head home..” He sounded embarrassed and Jon couldn’t help the giddy smile that crossed his face.

Brock had always been one of the easiest of his friends to speak to, he was extremely kind and empathetic, and Jonathan had always felt drawn to the man’s caring characteristics. With anyone else, he would be scared to show this side of himself to, where he was constantly spazzing out, but he felt like Moo would be good company.

“Yeah I don’t mind.. Uhm, it’s fair for you to know I’m having a difficult day though. Just a little uncontrollably shaky and spazzy today.. It’s normal don’t worry, just some days are worse than others…” Jonathan admitted with embarrassment, still slightly fearful of Brock’s reaction despite all of the man’s reassurances.

“That’s fine, all the more reason for some company,” Brock said gently, “Can I come there in an hour or so?”

Delirious smiled gratefully, “Yeah sure. Luke will be leaving around then so it’s cool.”

They exchanged their farewells before Jonathan shyly handed Luke’s phone back to its owner, casting his eyes away from the man.

“So ya gonna have a playdate while I’m gone?” Luke teased, though Jon was relieved to see genuine happiness spread across his best friend’s features, “Thank god, it’s about fuckin’ time you got some more quality time with other people. Anyways, the bath is ready.”

Delirious chuckled and nodded with a bit of embarrassment. “Thanks Luke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was prewritten, otherwise I would not have posted anything.  
> Sorry been working a ton this week, but should have Thursday, Friday and Saturday off, so will be writing more then. Yes, that include O:SO. I tried writing over and over again, and finally my lovely beta Terrornuckel pushed me in the right direction. I finally feel better it's just actually finding the time to write it in the last few days.
> 
> I need the distraction after today tbh... Because ya know, I'm American. :I


	12. Swaying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brock and Jonathan keep one another company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is lighter, I lied. It's the next one where shit goes down. I gotta start writing chapters for this again too, I really love it so much. I have been feeling slightly better about writing so that's good.

As promised, Brock was there in an hour. Jonathan lied against the headrest of the bed with pillows piled up comfortably behind him and the blankets tucked in tightly up to his waist. He couldn’t wait for Luke to leave, the man was badgering him with reminders and questions as if he were his damned parent.

“-medication is in the bathroom cupboard, away from you but Brock should be able to find it easily enough. And remember to fuckin’ eat for the love of all things that are holy- Or in your case unholy.”

“Says the one eyed devil…” Jon mumbles, earning a glare from Luke before there the sound of a light and hesitant knock is heard from the door.

Soon the tension dies down as Brock nods kindly at everything Luke tells him, obviously not trusting Delirious enough to tell him. Well, it was understandable, because if Jon did fall into a fit then Brock would need to know what to do without Delirious’ help.

After a few more minutes of Luke’s nagging, all while Jonathan flips through channels on the hotel’s TV before settling on Spongebob, he’s out the door with a worried goodbye. Jonathan waves him off with irritation while Brock smiles and waves shyly.

“He’s really worried about you, huh?” Brock asks after a few minutes of awkward silence. Jonathan notes that Brock had made himself comfortable on Luke’s bed, sitting cross legged on it with his hands in his lap.

Jonathan shrugs before sighing lightly, “He is. Always has been, with good reason. He’s pretty much taking care of me until we can get another caretaker.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the TV, watching as Spongebob tiptoes through Patrick’s house to get the secret box.

Brock hummed, picking at edges of the blanket quietly before asking with enough room to let Jonathan pass answering the question, “What happened to the last one?”

Delirious looked over hesitantly, finding Brock’s eyes glued to him. “Well, she wasn’t very professional. She attempted to do some pretty inappropriate things and it was just-” Delirious shrugged uselessly, “It was fuckin’ creepy. Luke somehow knew what was going on and saved my ass before anything really happened, but has been overly protective and hasn’t really been looking for another caretaker.. It’s annoying, the man has a life of his own ya know?”

“I guess, but it’s good he’s being careful, he’s worried and he cares about you. I’m sure he will get you another caretaker after making sure nothing like that happens again,” Brock spoke softly, genuine concern and honesty obvious on his sweet face.

Jonathan groaned when his right leg jerked up suddenly, shaking violently as Jon tried to hold it down to get some control over it. His entire back was flaring with pain at the sudden movement, and he couldn’t help but feel judged as he tried to take care of the stupid problem by himself.

Brock was frowning with concern, shuffling closer to the edge of Luke’s bed in order to be closer to Jonathan. “Does that happen often?” He asked softly, eyes warmly catching Jon’s own eyes.

“Every once and awhile. Not that big a deal, just can’t do much when this happens.” Jonathan explained, smiling sadly as he added, “Sometimes that’s the reason I can’t record with you all. It’s nearly impossible to do shit when they get like this.” He glanced down at the useless limbs with relief as they settled down, only shaking slightly underneath the covers.

Brock nodded, biting at his lower lip in thought as his eyes were stuck on Jonathan’s legs. Finally he spoke whatever was on his mind, “Can I ask you something?”

Jon frowned, shrugging a bit as he leaned back slowly, “Sure, can’t promise I will answer you though Moo.”

“That’s alright,” Brock agreed, “I don’t want you answering anything you aren’t comfortable with, but just… Is it forever?” He asked gently, catching Jonathan off guard.

He was expecting him to ask how it had happened, had been dreading how he would react to that question without letting his thoughts linger too long. But that hadn’t even been a possible question on his mind. Upon looking at the sympathetic look on Moo’s face however, he realizes he shouldn’t have been that surprised.

“It’s okay you don’t need to-”

“Yes. It’s forever. When they told me that, I didn’t believe them. Shit man, how could I? But yeah, it’s forever. I’ve tried physical therapy, try every damn year with no success.” Jonathan smiles gently at the hurt expression on Brock’s face, “It’s alright Moo. That wasn’t a bad question at all. I’ve accepted it to an extent.”

Moo nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Delirious’, “Uhm.. How long? Because you said they had told you so that means you weren’t like, born this way? Sorry-”

“Since I was fifteen.” Jon interrupted softly, eyes shifting away from Brock’s, closing in an attempt to shut down any thoughts that might shift through from that day. He glanced back at Brock and gave him a weak smile, “I don’t want to talk about how. It’s- It’s all too much. Maybe Luke will tell you all later on. Not sure how I feel about that though.” 

“I’m sorry Jonathan.” Brock said caringly, his eyes were too full of empathy than Jonathan could ever understand.

“It’s not your fault.”

They allowed a comfortable silence to fall between them as they watched the rest of the children’s cartoon without a word. The bright colors and sharp sounds started to make Jonathan’s head dizzy, but he tried to brush it off.

When a commercial popped up ten minutes later, Brock put his arms over his head and stretched with a tired yawn before turning to Jonathan with a dorky smile, “Want some food?”

Jonathan was about to protest before Brock wiggled his eyebrows mischievously and stated in a sing song voice, “We can order room service~!”

Delirious allowed a devilish smile to form on his face, knowing how pissed Luke would get when he realized they had ordered food from the hotel itself. Just the thought of the look on Luke’s face made it worth it.

“Awh hell yeah!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter~! Will update this more often, have only been holding off since I only wrote a total of 14? 15? Gotta get on that soon :P
> 
> (Also I am hoping to get an OT4 Thanksgiving special out sometime soon. Don't tell Terrornuckel, Yishy, or Basically okay? It's a secret you guys!!!)


	13. Hazy Hysteria

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan goes through an intense panic attack after reliving a traumatizing experience through a memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp your warning is in the summary. This chapter gets pretty intense. 109% inspired by my own panic attacks xD

It was the first time in a long time that Jonathan had actually finished an entire meal without having Luke force him to eat. He glanced over at Moo who was leaning back on the bed with his hands rubbing over his stomach contently, chuckling lightly. Half a dozen dishes were sprawled across the two beds and the end table, and Jon let himself lie back with an eager smile as well.

The two settled into a comfortable silence.

Brock groaned as he reached over for the remote, flicking the TV onto life. Since it was LA, the TV service was pretty damn good, which meant plenty of channels to surf through. Brock hummed in annoyance as he scrolled through them all, and Delirious couldn’t help but giggle at the sound. They settled on watching another old rerun of Spongebob, glad that the episode wasn’t one of those spontaneous new ones.

Very few light hearted conversations were held between the two, and in the end, silence settled itself upon the two men. Two episodes of Spongebob turned into an afternoon airing of a new show neither of them had seen before about a boy living with ten sisters. It was oddly entertaining and endearing to watch, and Jonathan found himself laughing with Brock quite often.

They had to switch channels once some weird new version of Alvin And The Chipmunks came on, and Jon found his thoughts wandering. His eyes zoned out on the TV, and he found himself nodding as Brock spoke about something with a light chuckle. 

He remembered the first time it had happened. The first hit. The first time he had seen the anger, felt the fury. Had fallen victim to the fire that swallowed what little flame he had. He remembered that his older sister had gotten into trouble, and he was about to hit her.. Jon had never seen him do that to Sarah, but he had seen it done to his mother by that time. So he spoke out, and they fought, and he had lost in the end. Crumpled onto the floor with bruises, blood, and cuts. Even his wrist had been sprained. Sarah had clung to him, sobbing, muttering words that were too fuzzy to be heard. Everything had spun away..

He had been six and three quarters. He was quite proud of that. When he woke up the next morning, his sister was asleep next to him in bed, and on his other side there was a teddy bear he had never seen before. He hadn’t ever cared for the stuffed animal until that day. He had turned away from his sister and curled up around the teddy bear, clinging to the soft material as he silently cried through the pain.

It hadn’t been the last time either.

Jonathan blinked through the fog slowly, and felt his chest constricting with the lack of oxygen. He could hear a voice speaking to him, and felt a firm but gentle grip on his shoulders. He didn’t register the gentleness of the grasp and immediately tried to get away from the hands, his shaggy breaths labored as he heaved for air. 

The hands’ grip tightened for a split second until they left completely. However the concerned voice only grew closer, the frantic nature of it warped into anger, bitterness, resentment. Jon backed away until his back was tightly pressed up against a flat cool surface, and he brought his hands up to his face in an attempt to defend himself.

He had always wondered what would happen to him in this situation after he had become paralyzed.

“Delirious!”

Wait.. That’s not what he called him. 

Through the blind panic Jonathan finally recognized that he wasn’t in immediate danger. He peered through his hands and found his vision was blurred. His entire body swayed to the sides from the dizziness he felt settling in his bones. 

“Y-You’re safe Delirious, okay?” The voice swam in from afar, everything felt surreal. Everything made Jon want to puke the acid in his stomach out.

“Nobody’s going to hurt you. It’s just me, Brock. Moo! Please…”

That’s right. That’s right. It was just Brock, that’s who it was. Jonathan tried to let his hands fall to his side, but instead he felt them circle around his own chest as he hugged himself with fear. It was just Moo. Moo wouldn’t hurt him. Moo was good.

Moo had seen him like this.

An entirely new wave of panic coursed through Jon suddenly, and he began to stop breathing completely as he processed this new bit of information. His eyes squeezed shut as his body shook, the voice drifted in and out. Moo knew. He knew how Jonathan really was. He was going to hate him. He was going to leave him. He was-

“Delirious, please, stop saying those things! I don’t hate you, how could I?”

He hadn’t realized he had been saying everything aloud. Jonathan felt tears break free from his eyes as he shuddered through heavy breaths, the lack of oxygen only making him more distant from the entire situation.

“You are okay. I’m not mad. Nobody is mad. You’re safe.”

He could hear murmurings in the background, faintly coming from the TV. He tried to focus on that instead, his face now in his hands as he tried to breathe regularly. It was just a commercial, it was about laundry detergent or something. The voice spoke too fast at times, and too slowly at other times. The peaceful music sprung out in twinkles, before it abruptly ended. He could feel the other man’s eyes trained on him. He didn’t want to look up. He was still breathing anyways, he didn’t know the proper techniques, but just hoped that he could stop this stupid ass panic attack. That’s what it had been. 

As soon as he was able to think coherently in the slightest, strings of, “I’m sorry,” “I didn’t mean to-” and more “Sorry…” were flooding out without thought. There was no response back, and that made Delirious even more frightened to look up. He blurted out a broken, “I apologize, please- please don’t hurt- Don’t be mad at me..”

Jonathan felt his entire body tense up through the shaking as the silence lingered, and he finally decide to look up with caution. He was expecting the worst, but what he got was completely different than what he could imagine.

Brock wasn’t angry, Jon couldn’t see an angry Brock anyways. But his face was red, there were tears streaming down his face, and his eyes were wide and heartbroken. That’s how he looked actually, heartbroken.

Once Jonathan met Brock’s eyes, the other man’s tears only rushed out all the more. He seemed to be tongue tied as he finally stammered out, “D-Delirious- are you alright?” His voice cracked with emotion.

Delirious couldn’t fathom any words to say. He just sat there, reality sinking into place as he became aware of his surroundings. His back was pressed to the headboard of the bed, his sheets were a mess over his legs, Brock was swaying slightly on his feet at the foot of Jonathan’s bed, and there were a few things that had been knocked off the bed and end table that Delirious didn’t remember about.

When no answer came from Delirious, Brock tentatively stepped forward, and opened his arms up as a sweet gesture, the question set in the worried furrow of his brows, the kindness pooled at the corners of his eyes. Jonathan nodded slowly, another shuddering breath passing through his lungs as he held his arms out as well, leaning into the comforting warmth of Brock’s chest as he tried to breathe through his anxiety.

Brock’s arms and his chest acted as a tender space of comfort for Delirious. Jonathan tried his best to soothe the worries away from his friend as well, weakly wrapping his arms around his torso and rubbing his hands clumsily around on his back.

Finally, Delirious felt his breathing slow, his nerves calm down in the slightest. He didn’t want to pull away from the warmth and dearness that he had been shown despite the lack of understanding, but he finally did ease himself away. He smiled awkwardly at Brock, the chuckle he let out clearly forced and his eyes pained. 

“Sorry about that…” He didn’t mean to whisper. But he did.

Brock shook his head at the murmur, smiling sadly as he placed his hands on Jonathan’s shoulders and rubbed them affectionately, “It’s alright Delirious, you didn’t do anything wrong… Are you okay?”

Jon frowned at the question, glancing away from Brock as he took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders with uncertainty, “Probably not, but I’m better now.. Thank you Moo. Th-That meant a lot to me.”

From the corner of his eye, Jon could see Moo nodding with a genuine smile on his face. But his eyes were full of worry and of fear. There was a certain aura in them that reflected the suspicion and paranoia in them. But Moo let his hands slide down Delirious’ arms before he brought them back to himself, and he folded them in his lap.

“Want to talk about it? . . . Or would you rather watch TV?”

“TV please.” Delirious immediately responded, immediately noticing the hurt expression on his friend’s face. He bit deeply into his lower lip, afraid of what the reaction could mean.

Brock locked eyes with Jonathan before he smiled gently and nodded, lifting himself off of Jonathan’s bed and settling himself comfortably onto Luke’s. “How does Rick and Morty sound?”

“Perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the pain. I hope that you all liked this chapter though! Feedback is always appreciated! ^.^


	14. Tense Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan overhears things he shouldn't have heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayyye, look I am alive! Just been gone all week. Mostly working, also mostly writing up some really fucked up shit for you all. Was supposed to be a one shot but will be a three parter.
> 
> But for now have some of this! I got one more chapter prewritten so ya'll know what my goal for tonight is...

He was supposed to be asleep, but his mind had left the sleep slightly due to the close faraway sounds that had entered the room he was in. There were two voices speaking in hushed tones, and half asleep, Jonathan hardly registered them at all.

“-really worried. Just suddenly, he was freaking out, saying all this nonsense and his legs were jerking around involuntarily… I don’t know if he remembers or not, but it was really bad..”

“Thanks for telling me Brock..”

“Of course. Just let me know how he’s doing. I don’t know what that was all about, he said some pretty scary things… But uhm, please just let me know.”

“Yeah, I will. Sorry about that. Didn’t think.. I don’t know. Fuck man.”

A lingering moment of silence settled over the room, and Jonathan felt more awake than before. He was tempted to get out of bed and to interrupt the conversation before he heard a sniffling sound and a choked sob coming from none other than his best friend.

Delirious was shocked, Luke never cried.

“Hey now…” Moo was murmuring slight words of comfort that held no meaning.

“I-I just don’t know what to do man. I’m tryna help him, he’s been through so much bullshit.. But he doesn’t want me to help, and I can’t do shit anyways. Ya know, there’s only so much one man could do.”

“... can I ask what happened?” Brock’s voice was so soft Jon barely made out what he had said. But once the words registered, he could feel his body tense up.

“You can, but it ain’t my place to tell you. Just know the son of a bitch has been fucked over too many times. He had been trying to get to a better place, but lately he’s just stuck. I’ve been hoping him getting out and meeting you all would help, but I’m not sure if it will.”

Jonathan remained still as the men wrapped up the conversation and stated their goodbyes. He waited as the door clicked shut and listened to the distant shuffling around the room. He frowned as he heard Luke blowing his nose in the bathroom, the sound of the faucet turning on sounded immediately after.

Delirious finally allowed his eyes to blearily blink open, the soft light of the setting sun filtering faintly through the curtains and wrapping itself around his body. The blanket had been drawn up to his chin carefully, and the TV was casting a dim glow in the background, though it had been muted. 

“Hey, you’re up?” Luke asked, standing in the doorway of the bathroom with a forced cheery grin plastered on his face, his eyes still red and bloodshot. Jonathan frowned but didn’t comment on it, deciding to keep silent and nod instead.

“Guess you passed out on Brock, he just left... have a good time Jon?” Luke asked, trying to play it cool as he leaned against the doorframe with his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

“Yeah, I had a good time. We watched a shit load of cartoons together and stuff.” Jonathan mumbled, glancing around the tidied up room before forcing a sheepish smile, “We ordered some room service too. Moo’s idea.” He shrugged disheartenedly. 

He saw that Luke was scooting closer to the bed Jonathan was sitting up on, and the man sighed as he settled down on the edge of the bed beside Jon, his back facing Jonathan. Delirious looked over at Luke, watching as he leaned over and rubbed his face with his hands with a groan. Delirious couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault.

Jonathan didn’t know what to do with himself as he sat there and twisted his fingers together, wracked with overwhelming nerves. He felt his skin prick once his friend spoke, his voice too soft and gentle, “Brock told me about what happened.. Do you know what caused it?”

Jon pulled the covers of the bed closer up to his chin, to hide himself with or to protect himself with, he wasn’t really sure what he was doing. “No. I was just sitting there- It was really sudden, out of nowhere. Christ, we was just watchin’ some shit on Nickelodeon.”

Luke didn’t say anything. Delirious glanced over at his friend, his entire frame was stiff with tension. Jonathan grew more and more anxious as he watched Luke, so he turned his head away from his friend and looked out the covered window instead. His thoughts were too extreme again. The paranoia from his panic attack from earlier was still in lingering, and he could feel those thoughts creeping into his mind in bursts once again.

He tried to calm himself down, very intentionally breathing in through his nose heavily, allowing the air to sink into his diaphragm before gently passing the breath through his lips. He repeated the process over and over again, his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to battle whatever thoughts treaded the corners of his mind.

“I didn’t mean to make you panic- Shit Jon- I’m sorry..” Luke must have turned toward him, must have seen Jonathan lying there underneath the covers, faced away and breathing deeply as his eyes were shut close. It must have been worrying. Delirious was worrying Luke... as always.

“Jonathan, please, look at me alright?” 

He looked, and startled back with panic when for a brief moment he saw his father’s face rather than Luke’s. But the moment flickered away and he was left with Luke’s teary eyes and distraught expression.

“Jon?” He whispered quietly.

Delirious shook his head, whispering back, “I’m sorry- I saw- I thought I saw… He’s not though. I just gotsa’ calm the fuck down…”

Luke understood immediately, his eyes widening, “I thought you stopped seeing him years ago? At least, awake..” 

Jonathan nodded, biting down harshly on his lower lip. “I did. It was just for a second- I’m just imagining things.” Of course he was. It was the exact problem he had years ago. “I- I just need some sleep or something. I don’t want to think though- I- Can I get a sleeping pill please?”

Luke looked worried, but he nodded, standing up and heading to his luggage. Moments felt like hours, and Jonathan noticed that he felt as if he were detached from himself. Luke came back, and settled himself onto the floor next to Jonathan’s bed, handing the man the pills and a glass of water.

Jonathan briefly sat up to gulp the pills down before lying back down. He flinched when he suddenly felt a hand trail through his hair, but his eyes glazed over when he saw that Luke was the one doing it. He wiped the sweat from Jon’s forehead with a sad smile, and ran his fingers through the hair again, repeating the action.

Luke spoke in murmurs, words of encouragement and kindness, soft and delicate. So unlike how Luke usually was. He didn’t really say anything of importance, just rambling on and on about how strong Jonathan was. He remembered chuckling at that while half dazed, and remembered the broken expression on Luke’s face as he tried to reinforce the silly idea. But Jon was growing tired, and his eyelids were heavy, and sleep felt like an amazing idea right about now…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know shit gets real when Luke cries.
> 
> Also... I gotta update O:SO I know I know. Can someone else write the next chapter I feel like it's gonna be shit.
> 
> If you enjoy though, leave a comment and a kudos and overall love <3

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, please remember to leave your feedback in the comments! Whether it be a criticism, a review, or just a response to the story in general. Thank you so much, I hope you are all enjoying the story! ^.^


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